Courting my Spark

Well, hello again.

One time when I was little, I took horseback riding lessons.  Aside from the fact that this time in my life coincides with my "Young Abigail Breslin Lookalike" phase, it was probably the most excited I've ever been to do anything. Ever.  my personal timeline is punctuated by cynicism about nearly everything other than horses.

Well, I only did one show. Yes, I did a horse show, and Yes, I did Western style. I wore a pink, pearl-snapped shirt. I was beaten by a girl in a ten gallon hat. And also by everyone else competing.

Ladies and gents, Olivia failed at the only thing she ever found important in life; doing mundane tasks while riding on the back of an enormous animal.

It's not entirely my fault. "ICE", the horse I was assigned to ride, was 18 hands tall, and 18 years old. That translates to about a trillion in horse years.  He got pissy, he wouldn't obey, and I couldn't get him close enough to the mailbox so that I could get the imaginary mail. In horse people speak, that is an automatic fail. No mail, you fail.

I remember thinking, after realizing that I would never ride Mitt Romney's horse at the Olympics, that I had hit rock bottom. This was it. This was as good as it was going to get, and it didn't even get good.

my mother told me to stop acting so gloomy. She didn't understand. This was it for me!
I would have to find another chosen profession in life, as Annie Oakley was already taken by the brunette in long braids with a ten gallon hat.

On a side note, there is always a brunette getting in the way of my happiness. Always. 

 Of course, I bounced back. I stopped riding horses so much, but that had more to do with the fact that I don't own a horse than anything else.  Also, my mom got really nervous watching me during lessons. She doesn't like horses. She doesn't get the whole Annie Oakley thing. I don't see why.

And even though it is pretty silly, when I look back, I can still feel the shadow of that spike in my belly that said "you weren't good enough". Even though it is all so trivial now, I guess it was really, truly a heartbreak at the time.

I've been spending the last couple of weeks falling off of a couple of horses.. I'm broke, worried, and pretty heartbroken. It's been hard to write a snarky blog about being a free-spirited non-flight attended because i do not feel free or spirited in the least bit. Luckily, I am working on it.

Soon, I will be back in full-swing me-ness, in whatever place I end up finding myself in. And believe me, there are a couple of options, several split second decisions and a couple what-ifs lying between me and my "final decision".

For now, ICE is still a jackass, but my spark is coming back. I don't get so weepy. I'm a little more confident. Life isn't all my fault. It's just like, you know, a little bit of eveyone's fault.