in trying to sort out what I am and what i want, I have been following my father's advice, and looking through my dream journal for answers.
August 20, 2013
In the dream, I am on an old-style airplane. Like the ones Wright Brothers flew. Two of my old lovers are sitting in the back; they are merged into one person with a flickering face, changing constantly between the two that I have known.
We are flying over sights just like the ones in the American Airlines inspirational video. Above is blue. Below is Canyon DeChelly--even more beautiful than I remember.
I blink, and the controls change. Now they are modern and complicated, full of command buttons and a joystick instead of the yoke I'd seen before.
The plane is falling. Gradually at first, then into an impossible tailspin. Trying to help, Brendan(s) tries to crawl up to me, just as the airplane pitches forward to an impossible attitude. He is thrown from his seat and into the air, holding on to me by linked pinkies. I try to fix the positioning of the airplane, but the engines are out. heis screaming for help, asking and begging me to fix it, but I can't.
He tumbles out completely, face still flickering...
I slide out of my seat, simple and light, and follow his descent without protesting. Because, what else could I do.
In the air, We detach from one another, and I watch him become a speck and then disappear below me. I am suspended in the air, floating like paper in the sky. Before I hit the ground, I evaporate into that robin's egg blue and the green-speckled clay of Canyon deChelly. I become nothing.
Tonight, I want to dream something new.
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