Things To Do Before Turning 23:
1. Blog about how I feel about getting married at 23.
2. Reference other blogs about getting married at 23 in my argument.
Note: It is best to ASSert how wrong the other blogger is, and how much her personal choice has placed all women on a nonstop train headed straight to misogynyville. It Does Not pass Go. It Does Not Collect $200. It cannot be the Tophat.
3. Justify my conclusions with gratuitous purple prose and personal anecdotes,
EX: how I realized that love is just a construct when I looked into the blue eyes of a person I thought I loved and saw only iris and pupil and a big coward so I decided to pretend we never met and be alone forever instead.
OR about how when you know you know and I totally, like TOTALLY know that this is absolutely the best my life will ever get so let's throw a fucking party and get a ring and dress up fancy because by 35 everyone has gross wing-like upper arms. Arms like that look terrible in a strapless white princess gown and no one's grandchild will ever admire that kind of body type so let's take the pictures now!
4. Reblog likeminded women warriors championing whatever it is that I personally believe; force all Facebook friends to comment, pontificate, elaborate and masturbate their way through the article.
5. Learn how to shut up a cat in heat.
In other news, a 60 year old man named Ira really wanted to take me to see Malcolm Jamal-Warner in Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, so I guess I haven't really got all that much to be jaded about.
PS: I do not care if/when/how you get married, as long as you have an open bar and you invite me.
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